journals for girls

Again, if the trumpet does not sound a clear call, who will get ready for battle?

1 Corinthians 14:8

When Brent and I found out we were having a daughter in June 2013, I’ll admit I was more than mildly terrified. We learned we were pregnant a little over a year after my fifth cancer diagnosis.

Until then becoming a mom was something I had entertained when we got married but promptly dismissed when forced to consider my medical history and the time I estimated I had left on the planet. We didn’t exactly catch it early, the cancer, but at the time my surgeon did give me a 90 percent chance of survival for ten years.

Ten years, I remember thinking. Seriously? I’m twenty-six years old.

So when we found out there was a baby inside me, the whole thing seemed surreal. For sure, my pregnancy was a straight-up miracle, and I was incredibly happy to learn that I would bring a child into this world.

When the ultrasound tech told us she thought we were having a girl though, my joy was tempered as I thought about my ability to effectively raise that girl in this world. I remember lying flat on my back in the dimly lit exam room, my growing belly exposed and jellied up, thinking.

I thought, Oh, no, Doctor. Are you sure it’s not a boy?

I cried a little.

I left that appointment hallucinating future eye rolls and shouting matches with the daughter whose face I hadn’t even seen yet. I saw pictures, clear as day, the back of her faceless head buried in her bed pillows and me standing in the doorway of her imaginary bedroom, equally confused about how exactly I was going to help. I envisioned car rides of silent treatments and muffled screams behind freshly slammed doors.

How long would it take, I wondered, before what I perceived as my inability to parent sent her down a similar path to the one I walked?

I mean did I have any reason to think differently? I lived my younger years insecure, afraid, focused on all the wrong things, and hopelessly averted to opening up and letting anybody in on the truth, least of all my own mother.

I spent a lot of those pre-baby months thinking about the days ahead: what being her mother actually meant and the approach I was going to take toward her growth and development. In that early season, I found comfort and assurance in the following verse.

Cry out for insight,

and ask for understanding.

Search for them as you would for silver;

seek them like hidden treasures.

Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord,

and you will gain knowledge of God.

For the Lord grants wisdom!

From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Proverbs 2: 3-6

Do you ever think the way I did? Do you sometimes think that you don’t have what it takes to raise your daughter to live to her full potential?

I want to challenge you, instead, to ask yourself this question:

Do you think that if you ask God for wisdom and discernment that He won’t give it to you?

One thing I’ve learned during my twisted faith walk and my time as a girl, woman, wife, and mama: God is beyond faithful. Beyond. Faithful. He will give us what we need to raise our girls well.

In many ways, He already has.

We just need to look inside, find it, and coax it out of hiding.

The great thing about it is that we can do it together. We can answer this call on our lives with boldness and, dare I say it, enthusiasm! I used to dread thinking about how I was going to be the mother to my little girl. Now I approach the responsibility of teaching that wonderful creature from a place of genuine excitement and trust that God had it totally handled when he picked me for the job.

And He did when He chose you too.

So what do you say, Mama? Let’s get after it! Let’s let our girls see us own this great honor, not only because we are called to it and equipped to do it, but because our girls flat out need us to. They’re counting on us. The threat they face is real, and they need mothers who will teach them how to lift their voices above the roar of culture.

They need mothers who will teach them how to make a different kind of noise.

They need mothers and mentors who will teach them to hear when the trumpet sounds a clear call and train them to be ready for battle.

Have an awesome day!

If this post has struck a chord, I want you to know I have a solution to help you grow deeper in your relationship with your daughter or a girl you’re leading. If you’re looking for guidance and support to lead her well, check out my FREE video series, 3 Keys To Unlocking Her True Potential. These topics have changed my life and how I lead my own daughter forever…

Maybe your daughter isn’t old enough yet to care if a pair of pants she’s wearing are a size too small after she grew two inches this summer.

She’s not thinking about whether her favorite shirt and coziest pair of pants actually match.

She might be too young to worry about people laughing at her hairstyle when she asks for three random ponytails on the top of her head instead of two.

Don’t you just love the innocence?

It’s not that caring about our appearance is all bad, but as you well know, it’s easy for that caring to turn into an unhealthy obsession. As women, it can be so easy to allow our own eyes to deceive us. We look in the mirror and wish God had done something different when He designed our physical form. We don’t consult God’s word for validation or the truth about how He made us. We choose to believe that the world has more to say on the subject of beauty than God does.

But we can’t live there, because it’s up to us to teach our daughters what God says about real beauty because it’s His brand of beauty that will last for eternity.

Here are three quick reminders about biblical beauty that we can use to inspire, train, and teach our girls:

1. God’s definition of beauty is the only one that matters.

“But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.'” – 1 Samuel 16:7

How often do we set unreasonably high expectations for ourselves? We expect more from ourselves than anyone else ever could. Whether it’s our work, raising our kids, or the way we look, we always desire to be greater, to be more. How often do we stop and think about where our worth truly lies or who’s definition of success and beauty is the one that matters?

Understanding that our beauty is defined by God alone, not ever-changing cultural trends or our unrealistic expectations, is the first step in releasing our desire to be something we are not. The world does a great job at convincing us that we have to look and carry ourselves a certain way. We’ve grown so used to it we don’t even realize it’s happening. Almost unconsciously, we are critiquing every part of our appearance based on an unrealistic and unattainable standard.

Allowing God to define our beauty gives us space to live as the women He desires us to be, and the grace to teach our daughters the same thing.

2. Just because you don’t feel beautiful doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful.

“For you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” – 1 Peter 2:9

What we feel often becomes our truth. Whether it’s accurate or not, once we get something in our head, we’re convinced it’s legitimate. It’s no different when it comes to feeling beautiful. We may not wake up every day, look in the mirror and think, “I look beautiful today”, and that’s okay. Looking beautiful is not the same as being valuable. Physical beauty does not change what we are worth to the Lord. He fought for us. He created us to be exactly who He wants us to be. God specifically chose us—and that alone makes us beautiful.

Maybe we need to change our definition of beautiful. The world seems to think beauty means one thing, while the Bible teaches us something different entirely. Believing that His definition of beauty is the one we need to latch onto allows us to live into our full potential as chosen sons and daughters of the Creator.

Showing our daughters that we believe this for ourselves will speak volumes into how they see themselves. Let’s teach them that their beauty is determined by Him and Him alone.

3. You can be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.

“While we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds.” – Titus 2:13-14

Believing that God speaks beauty and worth over us is easier said than done. At the end of the day, we are still inundated with messages that attempt to steer us in the opposite direction. Changing our thought processes takes time—and a whole lot of grace. Some days will be easier than others. Some mornings you’ll wake up and believe that you are who He created you to be. But there will also be days when we look in the mirror and believe what the world tells us we should believe. And that’s okay. There will be highs and lows, but believing our eternal worth is a process.

Showing our daughters that we aren’t perfect, that we struggle as much as we succeed allows them to understand grace—grace for ourselves and grace for the process. Be honest, be vulnerable and allow Him to speak beauty over you—all you have to do is stop, breathe and listen.

Let’s teach our girls that real beauty has nothing to do with the mirror and everything to do with our Maker. Pray these truths today: first over you and then over that sweet little girl you’re raising.

When we look out into the world and consider the culture we live in, we see a world that is relaying a bunch of messages to our kids.

One of the things the world is telling them is that, in order to be a strong, successful leader, they need to be pushy, authoritative, and domineering. For a lot of sports figures, actors and artists, It’s all about leading LOUD.

Moms, let’s teach our daughters that being a leader isn’t about telling people what to do or by pushing people around. To do this, take her back to the story of the first man and the first woman in Genesis 1.

God gave a mandate to His created beings in verses 27 and 28:

Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.

Here is what He said to both men and women:

Be fruitful.

Multiply.

Replenish the earth.

Subdue the earth.

With regard to ruling, rule over the animals.

He did not say that we should rule over each other. However, a lot of the time, dominance over others is how people approach leadership.

Whether it’s the ruler of a nation, company managers, or kids on a playground, those in charge assert their authority over others who’ve been placed beneath them in the hierarchy. At times they oppress, take advantage of, or marginalize others simply because they are in charge.

As women, we really have an incredible opportunity to educate our girls about God’s initial mandate for his children and to stand in agreement with it.

Challenge: Introduce your girl to the idea of leading by design, not example. Here are three talking points to get you started:

1. God empowered his created beings, male and female, to take charge and rule the earth. Not to dominate each other, but to work in collaboration with each other for the greater good of humanity and to usher in His glory “on earth as it is in Heaven.” The way God calls both men and women to lead has so little to do with our own authority and everything to do with His.

2. Both genders are called to leadership and they are designed differently for those roles. Help your girl understand that her feminine wiring is different than the masculine wiring.  She can live fully into His design as she aims to influence the world and make a difference in her home, neighborhood, school, community, and beyond.

3. It is God’s will that both men and women would lead from their God-given design. When we educate our children about their own design and how it differs from their masculine or feminine counterparts, we teach them to celebrate both genders and how our differences don’t separate us: they actually fit us well together and are complementary in nature. This understanding will invite both genders to lead from their giftings, strengths, and values.

As your daughter grows, she is going to be given opportunities to influence and positively impact the world around her. There will be opportunities for her to create and innovate, as well as collaborate with, support, and encourage others.

Action Step: Spend some time with her this week.

First, ask her this question:

What is one thing that makes you different from everyone else?

Then, talk to her about how that difference is actually a strength.

Finally, explain to her that strong character and the skills necessary for leadership build over time. Everyone is a unique expression of His creativity, including her.

Have an awesome day!

If you’re looking for ways to dive deeper into connecting with your daughter and helping her gain perspective and purpose in her own life, be sure to check out my FREE video series, 3 Keys To Unlocking Her True Potential. I can’t wait to share these topics with you. They have transformed my approach to motherhood and mentoring my girl . . .

We tell our girls to be brave, but have we ever showed them how?

What’s bravery, anyway? It’s a feeling of confidence and strength, even when they’re scared, but that’s really only half the battle. The other half comes when they trust God and ACT.

The Lord is my strength and my shield;
    my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
    and with my song I praise him.

Psalm 28:7 (NIV)

When your daughter needs help to be brave, remind her the Lord goes with her. He will protect her. He will keep your girl safe.

Use the letters of the word SHIELD to help her turn trust into action.

S – Shoulders back

H – Head high

I – Imagine God is right next to you

E – Eyes forward

L – Listen with an open heart

D – Decide how best to show love and kindness

This will help their brains and their bodies know what it looks and feels like to be brave.

Activity: Power Pose. Stand with your daughter in front of a mirror. Plant your feet in an open, wide stance. Call out the elements of S.H.I.E.L.D. as you act them out together. This will help her brain and her body remember what it looks and feels like to be brave.

Challenge: Head over to Instagram and post a picture of you and your daughter acting out S.H.I.E.L.D. by Friday at 6pm. Use the hashtag #BraveBellesChallenge and I’m going to select a WINNER with the best photo/caption.

Have an awesome day!

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If you’re looking for resources to point your daughter to women who played a powerful role in God’s story, be sure to check out my children’s series, The Adventures of Rooney Cruz. You can find books, devotionals, activities and more by clicking here.

Are you looking for positive female role models for your daughter? Don’t miss our FREE podcast series, Heroes For Her. We highlight real women whose stories will inspire you to guide conversations with your daughter about beauty, identity, and purpose.