“It’s not the load that breaks you down. It’s the way you carry it.”
I don’t know who said that, but they are so right. And today we are going to steady ourselves around the idea of carrying our load correctly.
In my experience, the key ingredient for teamwork, which is at the heart of effective leadership, is the ability to make agreements. The agreements we make are what help lighten the load; they give us the clarity we need to create a culture where the team (whether professional or family) fires on all cylinders.
You may think that you know how to make the kinds of agreements that truly keep things running smoothly—but it’s a pretty safe bet you’re not using them in the best way for optimal results with the girl you’re leading. You will soon, though.
What impacts every goal you set and every person that comprises your team? Conscious agreements do. However, these agreements are often “hidden in plain sight.” Your relationship with her is functioning, but the “who, what, how and why” of your specific roles or the tasks and activities required are unclear and have not been discussed or agreed upon by both parties. That’s the beginning of the confusion. And the more confused you are, the more confused she is, the heavier the load you both will carry.
Is she clear on what you want her to do or are things a bit murky for her? Is the way you’re delegating fuzzy? Maybe the work is getting done, but at the cost of something important. A lot of the time, it’s the integrity of your relationship.
Challenge: Do not fall into the trap of getting frustrated and taking back the work from her, thinking, It’ll be better if I do it myself. Instead, get in the habit of making conscious agreements with her.
Action Step: Align the outcomes and make agreements together. Set her up for success to efficiently take action. When she is better able to do her part, your credibility increases and so does her buy in for what you’re trying to teach her long-term. Success grows, and so does your relationship!
On the flip side, say she misses an important deadline, or drops the ball on something. Or maybe she’s confused about what she’s supposed to be doing. Enter into a new conversation to establish another conscious agreement.
If you need some help to lead her and clarify what agreements will get things better aligned, use the questions below as a conversation guide:
- How does what I contribute fit together with what others are doing our family team?
- What other areas of our home and life does my role impact? (chores, schedule, spaces etc.)
- Who do I go to when there are updates, changes or adjustments that might change expected outcomes?
- Where am I expected to be and at what time? (Agreements for work, check ins, meetings, discussions, breaks etc.)
- Why are we doing this? (Agreements clarify responsibilities and draw us back into ‘the bigger picture’ — not just what we’re doing but why we do it)
Think: Where are the breakdowns happening right now. That’s where agreements are needed. Don’t let them continue to hide in plain sight. Bring them out into the open.
Have an amazing day!
Are you looking for ways to inspire and equip your daughter with both solid character and God-centered confidence? My newest book, Ringleaders, is a simple and immediate way to strengthen your girl’s character and confidence, as well as your ability to lead her. Click here to learn more.