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The SANTA Switch is officially underway in the Weidemann household, but that hasn’t stopped my little sweetheart from giving me some of the regular jabs in the gift-giving department. I’ve heard a lot of talk over the last week about presents she wants and, yes Rooney, I found the newspaper ad inserts you laid out on the ottoman with multiple toys, dolls, and games encircled in expectant halos of Sharpie. She’s many things, but subtle isn’t one of them. 🙂

For most of us, generosity is something that needs to be intentionally nurtured and encouraged. That is why I am so excited to welcome Linda Kramer to the blog today. Frankly, I think we could all use a few new and simple ways to promote generosity at home with our girls. I know I could.

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Every parent wants their child to grow up with a strong set of values, and that includes a desire to provide for others in need.

Generosity, however, doesn’t come naturally to everyone – perhaps due to a variety of factors.

Think about it: do you have memories from your childhood when being “generous” actually cost you something? Maybe belongings were never returned, or damaged, or the reaction from the person on the receiving end was less than what you expected. Either way, sometimes giving isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

But here’s the thing: helping our girls associate generosity as a positive choice, regardless of the outcome, can be the catalyst for increasing the size of your girl’s heart (Grinch, anyone?).

Below are five simple ways you can lead this effort with her.

1. Be a Generous Mom

One sure-fire way to encourage generosity is to lead by example. Our girls look up to us, so they intuitively perceive that our actions are right and true (even when they’re not).

When your daughter needs something, seeks you out for advice or support, or makes a request, be generous with your time, patience, and resources.

Do your best to accommodate these requests and use them as opportunities to show her what real generosity looks like.

Consistency is key. Focus on small acts that will weave the value of generosity into the fabric of your household.

2. Take Advantage of Gifting Occasions

Most of us enjoy receiving gifts; whether they’re for our birthdays, anniversaries, or Christmas – all of us know that warm and fuzzy feeling we get when someone went out of their way to make something special for each of us.

And, it makes sense that the feeling is reciprocal.

Brand new research by the University of Chicago suggests that the joy of giving lasts much longer than the joy of receiving.

So how exactly can you teach your daughter this?

Take her on a giving mission. Let her make or choose a gift for someone. Have her wrap it, deliver it, and experience that intangible feeling of making someone else feel happy and important.

3. Practice Hospitality

I think we can all agree that generosity should be a natural part of our lives, and hospitality is one way we can make this a daily practice instead of just something that’s nice in theory.

Encourage your daughter to invite friends to your house and make them feel as welcome as possible.

Get a family hospitality plan together that extends further than simply a warm greeting at the door. Brainstorm together what your family team can do to truly make the experience of being in your home warm, inviting, and unforgettable.

When you decide together how to approach creating a truly welcoming environment, what began as intentional will eventually becomes something natural.

4. Volunteer Together

Women. We are social creatures. From our daily conversations with friends and family, to the connections we make with people we meet, Maryville University suggests that these connections are the very foundations of every experience we have.

One of the most effective ways to teach your daughter generosity is to have her doing the work of generosity.

Volunteering for charities, churches, and similar organizations will create experiential learning opportunities and lessons for life as she will carry with her long after she sets out on her own. And there’s a good chance she will continue to carry out charitable acts for years to come.

5. Praise Generous Acts

Affirming even the smallest acts of generosity will make your girl more likely to repeat that action in the future. In fact, a behavioral guidelines checklist published by Utah State University notes that the best time to praise them is immediately after the deed itself.

Hear that, Mama? When she does something good for someone else, call it out right away. Help her associate that positive action with an immediate sense of gratification.

Much the way kindness is better, not as a random act, but as an intentional choice to be thoughtfully executed (see earlier blog post), generosity should be poignant and purposeful.

Generosity, whether it is well-planned or spontaneous, is always the right choice. Let’s have fun this holiday season (and all year long) showing our girls how truly gratifying it is to live a generous life.

Thank you, Linda, for guest posting for us today!

***Linda Kramer is an avid writer, hobbyist, and a proud mother of two beautiful daughters. She likes to cook and bake during her spare time.

Have an awesome day!

Are you looking for practical tools and strategies to support your daughter to develop strong character and cultivate traits like kindness and generosity from the inside out? If so, you need to check out our brand new digital subscription, Bible Belles Monthly. Click here to lear more. These topics have changed my life and how I lead my own daughter forever…

A few years ago, I wrote an article for the Christmas issue of World Vision magazine. The article was about how we can all do something powerful in the world when we operate from a place of radical generosity.

As I worked on the article, I kept thinking about a sweet little book Rooney has in her room about St. Nicholas of Myra. We read it here and there throughout the year, but it now carries a special meaning for our family’s holiday season.

The book tells the story of the 4th century Christian bishop who inspired the Christmas gift-giving character of Santa Claus.

Born in Patara, a land that is part of present-day Turkey, circa 280 A.D., a man left with a large sum of money when his parents passed away used it to help the poor. After his death in 344, the legend of his generosity grew. St. Nicholas transformed into the fabled character Santa Claus, the beloved old man who brings presents to children around the world on Christmas Eve.

Over the years, while advertising and culture have popularized the image of the jolly, red-suited sleigh operator, many influences have made Santa what he is today.

And it’s surprising how easy it can be to get caught up in the commercialization of Christmas and lose sight of what is truly important.

I’m guilty of working tirelessly to try and set the right tone and atmosphere for my family during the holiday, without thinking beyond what lies inside and what hangs outside the four walls of our home.

We end up devoting a lot of time and energy into placing decorations, preparing events, preserving traditions and planning meaningful experiences for those closest to us, all the while missing the real blessing that comes from thinking like the original St. Nick.

If we aren’t careful, our attention can quickly switch to a focus on what we want, leaving little room for thinking of others and what they need.

So our family has decided to take a few intentional steps back to realign our hearts with the true meaning of Christmas and the spirit of the legendary gift-giver.

We wanted to make some changes to our Christmas season and awaken the joy that comes with generosity.

We decided that, moving forward, we needed to be intentional at Christmas about asking, “What can we give?” instead of, “What can we get?”

In perpetuity, we’ve decided to do what I’m calling a SANTA Switch.

SANTA. That’s

See A Need. Take Action.

As a family, we decided that we will commit to 30 days of generosity to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas by encouraging each other to 1) notice the needs of others and then 2) empower each other to meet those needs.

This has quickly become our favorite holiday tradition! It’s a fun and simple way to change our outlook not only at Christmas time but throughout the months that follow (Rooney calls out SANTA Switches all year long). 

Challenge: Can we flip the focus in our homes during the holidays by saying YES to sacrificial living and giving? I think we can. 

As the ones who set the tone and atmosphere inside our homes, we have a real opportunity to encourage our girls in this area.

To get in on the fun, here’s all you have to do:

1. Grab a journal. 

It doesn’t even have to be Christmas-themed. The first one we used has a picture of a bicycle on the front with stitched letters that say Enjoy The Ride!.  Keep the journal in your living room or other family space where you can keep it updated as things happen. 

2. Pray.

Any time you leave the house for school, work, the grocery store, to take a walk – wherever you go, say a quick prayer and ask God to help you to be more deliberate to slow down and see the people around you. Then you’ll notice when one of them needs something.

3. Notice a need.

When you’re going through the day’s activities, take note of the people, places, and happenings around you that aren’t necessarily connected to you being there. What do you notice? Where are you? Who else is there? 

4. Take action to meet the need.

Whether it’s helping a neighbor unload groceries, donating clothes or food, or simply sitting with someone who is lonely or sad, DO SOMETHING that will take care of the need the person has.

5)   Log each entry in your journal.

Keep an inventory of what happens and how God shows up as you live generously. Oh, how He can move when we love the people around us!

Christmas is not about opening gifts.

It’s about opening hearts to receive the love of Jesus and to shine His light in a dark and broken world that needs to experience Him.

Let’s share the love and gift of God’s Son with others by seeing the needs of others and taking action to meet them.

“The giver of every good and perfect gift has called upon us to mimic his giving, by grace, through faith, and this is not of ourselves.”

        St. Nicholas of Myra

Remember, even one act of generosity can light up a life.

Have an awesome day!

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If you’re looking to make this holiday season more meaningful, I want to invite you to join me on Instagram for SANTA Switch 2021! I’ll be sharing your updates, stories, and SANTA Switch moments all month long, so be sure to tag me in your posts (+ use the hashtags #SANTASwitch and #SeeANeedTakeAction)  so I can see what you’re up to!

Our brand new subscription service, Bible Belles Monthly, is live! Enrollment for the Founder’s Group is closing soon, so be sure to register by November 20! Click here to learn more.

She just started back to school not too long ago, and already your girl is coming home with world-ending drama.

Girl friendships change like the tide: you’re “in” one minute, then “out” the next. The bummer is that these relationships between girls are at best unpredictable and at worst destructive, drawing the sand right out from under her feet. I remember coming home from school several times after confusing and painful interactions with my “friends” and declaring to my mother between hysterical sobs, “My life is literally over.”

Don’t worry, Mama. You got this. Here are four steps that will help you manage life at the water’s edge and keep her eyes on the horizon.

 1. Sit with her.

In most cases, sitting alone in her room and stewing over the day’s events rarely make a positive difference. You might be inclined to “give her some space,” but this is a time when it’s better to simply be with her. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, or if she’s not too keen on the idea, too bad. You’re the parent, and the right thing is usually neither popular nor comfortable. You don’t have to say anything. In fact, you can wait in silence for the first several minutes. Just being there can be enough to cancel out some of the amped up hostility toward whatever friend was her friend but isn’t her friend anymore. The key: your presence should be warm and inviting. It should create a calming effect. Breathe deeply and relax. Just be, in the room, a quiet reassurance that someone cares about her.

 2. Talk to her about what is true.

When you feel ready, speak. Don’t try to excuse or explain the friend’s behavior. Empathize, but remember that, because you weren’t there, you don’t have the whole picture. Instead, guide her gently toward her Father. There are things in this life that we can control, and there are things we can’t. How the people in our lives treat us is one of those things that can’t be controlled, but we can control our reaction and our approach to resolving conflict. “A true friend loves at all times…” (Proverbs 17:17) and, regardless of how she’s been treated, encourage her that love, regardless of the effect, is the answer. She may not believe you right away, and that’s okay. You’re her mom, and it’s your job to tell her the truth.

3. Pray while she listens to you.

This is your chance to speak life over your child. There are few better ways to affirm our children than with our own lips; we know them, they are part of us, and our words can restore their hurt and prepare them for action. Pray out loud, so she can hear you. Praise God for the person He created in her. She is loved and worthy of love, despite today’s challenges. Acknowledge that, to move forward, she needs self-control, patience, and compassion to make the right choices, and she cannot do it in her own strength. She needs His help, so ask Him to help her lean into Him for comfort and peace as she deals with this conflict (Unless it’s the weekend, she’s going back to school tomorrow).

Our words can restore their hurt and prepare them for action. Pray out loud, so she can hear you.

4. Follow Up

Okay, great. You sat. You talked. You prayed. You’re done, right? NO. Do not wash your hands of this situation. Stay involved, not because you’re nosy, but because you are committed to her growth as a human being. Once she’s had the opportunity to go back to school, be sure to set aside some time that afternoon or evening to find out how it went. Whether the girls made up or things got worse, encourage her to be loving and kind. In situations like this, I like 1 John 3:18:

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

Remember, her friendships will ebb and flow, like the tide. Standing at the water’s edge, there is no avoiding the waves; they will crash into her, foaming and gurgling against her legs. But if she stands, her feet firmly planted in the hard-packed sand of God’s truth, they will never knock her over.

Have an awesome day!

Erin

***If you’re looking for ways to help your girl cultivate kindness and confidence as she manages the unexpected and unsettling challenges life continues to hurl at her, be sure to check out our brand new resource, Bible Belles Monthly, launching November 10! Click here to learn more.

Do you ever wonder, like I used to, how you’re going to teach your girl to process her emotions in healthy ways?

We want to help our girls manage themselves and their relationships, but sometimes we don’t even do that very well.

Shout out right now to one of the most important parenting books written in our lifetime.

My friend Sissy Goff (RaisingBoysAndGirls.com), along with her colleagues David Thomas and Melissa Trevathan, co-wrote a book that I refer to often as a parent, mentor, and leader. It’s called Are My Kids On Track: 12 Social, Emotional, and Spiritual Milestones Your Child Needs To Reach.

In preparation for the book’s launch a few years ago, I received a sweet package in the mail with a copy of the book, along with some fun little extras. Included was a laminated Emotional Vocabulary Chart. Win! It had several cartoon faces on it. Underneath each face was an emotion adjective word to describe each face. Words like:

Frustrated     Angry     Sad     Disappointed     Embarrassed     Proud

You get the idea.

Anyway, I used the chart to introduce a toddling Rooney to these types of words.

The first day, we just sat face-to-face, practiced making each face back and forth and then saying the adjective word out loud. After each one, we would talk through a real-life example.

Then I set out to encourage her to describe different emotions as she would feel them. It took a few days, but in what felt like no time she was ready for more.

Once she had these words in her language toolkit,  I came up with a simple, 3 step strategy to encourage her to process her feelings in real time through guided reflection. This emotional intelligence strategy was a game changer for me, and I’m excited to share it with you!

Emotional Intelligence Strategy: The 3 Rs

1. Recognize – Teach her the emotional vocabulary words to call out what she is feeling. Is it embarrassment, impatience, frustration? She’s got to name it before she can tame it.

2. Regulate – Help her notice any physical changes inside her body. Is her heart beating faster? Do her muscles feel tight? Show her a calming strategy like focused breathing to help her reset before she says something in anger.

3. Respond – “A loose tongue spreads destruction” (Prov. 11:9). The wise measure their words, so show your girl how to tip the scales in her favor.

So let’s encourage our girls to harness their emotional intelligence skills to become better leaders.

The data shows that more women than men excel at developing skills like conflict management, influence, achievement orientation, and adaptability. The more our girls hone these skills, the better.

Have an awesome day!

If this post struck a chord with you, I want you to know I’ve got a solution to help you equip your girl with the tools and skills she needs to manage herself and her relationships well. If you’re looking for practical tools and strategies, be sure to check out my FREE video series, 3 Keys To Unlocking Her True Potential. These topics changed my approach to motherhood, marriage, business, and life forever…

Kindness. Unity. Peace. Flexibility. Generosity. Diligence. 

Values are the ties that bind a family together. They differ from family to family, however these values help to steady the perspectives and behaviors of each family member so that the collective outlook, the way they view the world and their unique set of circumstances provide a bigger sense of hope, meaning, and significance, especially when facing challenges and difficult situations.

I realized pretty quickly into our homeschooling journey that our home was not really operating the same way my teacher classroom had. There I had rules. I had developed a system for classroom management that worked for multiple kids who were not my own, and all my teacher wits and tricks to be able to keep things running smoothly.

But our own offspring, these little humans who we love unconditionally, provide a new level of emotional distress to deal with at times.

I came to understand that, while I would have told you that one of my most important values is peace, my home and our learning environment was anything but peaceful.

She wouldn’t listen.

I’d get frustrated.

She’d push back.

I’d roll my eyes behind her back.

It was an endless ping pong match of anger and attitude. On both sides.

I finally figured out that, to set up both of us for success, we were going to have to hash out what exactly makes this family run — what’s most important to us? What are our values? Once we did that, everything fell into place. We had an agreed upon framework for setting expectations, behaviors, routines and everything else we needed for success doing school at home.

If you’ve been struggling to do school at home effectively, here are two quick tips for a) finding out what your family values even ARE and b) using those family values as a springboard to dive into the school pool without sinking straight to the bottom.

1. Have a Family Values meeting with your people. It’s time for a real heart to heart with everyone inside your family team. Be honest with each other and admit together that school at home is going to need a “break-in” period while the family is getting used to the new dynamics.

Explain that during this time, you’re going to work together to develop a system and structure that works for everyone, each individual student and the adults too. Invite your child into the conversation to gain their perspective and suggestions about how they think homeschooling should go and what they feel they’ll need to be successful..

Note: Keep in mind that some kids will respond differently — some will want to have influence right away while others may find it overwhelming after not having much input when they were school students. Listen, process, and use your intuition to receive their ideas from a place of curiosity rather than control.

2. Ask your child what matters most to them. Honor the differences and similarities that feel most important to your child as you define a new approach to learning.

Ask them what they disliked about their previous situation, and create a more comfortable way of doing things as you move forward.

Be sure to listen to my podcast episode on this subject. I hope it encourages you!

In your corner,
Erin

P.S. SUPER SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT…

I am so stoked to share with you that I am hosting a brand new mentorship series, The Heroic Homeschooler, starting August 20! I will take you through everything you need to know about doing school at home successfully and confidently with your kids.

To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the details be sure to register by clicking the link below>>
https//www.truthbecomesher.com/homeschool-1

Need a copy of my newest book? Grab one here!

Here’s the reality.

Unless you’ve been homeschooling for a while, your children probably don’t see you as a classroom teacher. You occupy and operate in a lot of different roles in your life and leadership, but it may be the case that when your kids think of their teacher, they don’t think of you.

They may be used to a completely different person with a different personality, a different set of physical characteristics, a different tone and volume of voice…from the standpoint of learning at home, everything about you is different.

The first week we started homeschool in the Weidemann household, Rooney got up during her first English Language Arts lesson and yelled, “You’re not doing the letters like Ms. Jazzy does it!” and scampered off to her bedroom. Granted, she hadn’t seen her preschool teacher in months, but she was still set off by the fact that what she knew and what felt normal with her former teacher was not happening at our kitchen table. 🙂

Your kids might be used to a different human being managing their classroom and academic day and all of its ins and outs. Yes. So, the question becomes, “How can you adapt your kids to learning from you and take on the role of educator in your home? What does that actually look like?”

No matter if your child is back at their normal school space this fall or you’ve scrapped that and decided to do school at home this year, your kids will be learning in a whole new way. And if they’re going to be successful, they need your help to adapt. Here are my four tips for helping your kids do just that. When you use all four of these strategies together, that’s the secret to leading at home with confidence, success, and sanity.

1. Take it slow. Think tortoise, not hare. In general, life in this current season has shifted more gears and at a much more rapid pace than we’ve all been prepared to handle, and that’s fine. Change is part of life, and it happens often. The key is teaching children to mitigate change by managing themselves. Flexibility, like it or not, is the new normal. If you’re a go-gettery mom (like I am),  that’s a tough one to swallow, so keep reading.

In the spirit of practical thinking, encourage your family to settle into a slower pace. Your family’s pace will dictate its peace, and you get to set the atmosphere inside your home. They will thank you in the long run when you use this time to help everyone curate and customize a new way of doing things.

2. Encourage your child to see every day as a fresh opportunity. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s a disappointment. Sometimes, what actually happens is better than what we expected!

Each day moves you to new possibilities, greater health and healing, and a stronger sense of togetherness as a family. Be thankful together for these wonderful opportunities. Breakfast is our family’s moment for these types of daily check ins. Can we approach today in a fresh way?

3. Set expectations, but be flexible. I can guarantee that leading your kids in this season is not going to look the way you first imagined it. Each day brings with it a totally new set of challenges, for you and for your learners.

Set and agree together on clear expectations and assess often the parameters you’ve set so that you can identify what’s working and change what’s not. Trust me, this is the key to maintaining your peace, sanity, and the willingness of all parties to continue forward.

4. Allow your children to help drive the change. Give them as much ownership as possible. Creating buy-in is the name of the game. Invite your kids to list the things that are most important to them to have as a part of their school experience this year.

If school at home is what you’re doing, maybe they want to be allowed to sleep as late as they need to each day. If they’re back in the traditional classroom, maybe it’s allowing them to study outside instead of at your kitchen table. Your kids will have good ideas about how to customize the learning experience that will suit them best, so invite their feedback and ideas and create it together! Let them help in differentiating this new academic year from their previous experiences.

For those of you who know school is going to look totally different for your family this year and need help leading your children (and yourself) in this season, you’ll want to check this out! I will be hosting a brand new mentorship series, The Heroic Homeschooler, starting August 10. I’m personally going to walk you through how to set up and execute school at home with total confidence and success. I’m covering everything you need to know to totally rock this year with your kids!

If you’ve ever…

•  Wondered how to manage life and family dynamics while keeping your kids on track
• Struggled to figure out how to meet your child’s individual learning needs (or what to focus on!)
• Been stumped, confused, or exhausted as you try to “do it all”
• Wanted to teach your kids without sacrificing your relationship with them

… then this mentorship is perfect for you. 

I would love to spend time with you. Let me put wind in your sails each week as you and your family set out to do this with confidence and success. Are you in and ready to do this with me?

To make sure you don’t miss out on any of the details be sure to register by clicking the link below>>

http://www.truthbecomesher.com/homeschool-1

In your corner,
Erin

The world tells our girls that fear is a normal, even healthy, emotion, but our girls are going to know better.

Fear of the Lord? Yes, that’s the beginning of wisdom, but your girl is not going to have a spirit of fear. She will not be overcome by her struggles or victimized by her circumstances. She will not be forced into submission by the things she comes up against that make her feel afraid.

Challenge: Introduce her to the idea of “going with her gut.” There are many benefits to honing in on our innate ability to perceive something beyond verbal language. These feelings can help us avoid danger, and the challenge for you as her mom and mentor is to help her learn how to differentiate between fear and her natural intuition.

Action Step: Discuss this openly with her: she can pay careful attention to her body and learn to trust what it is telling her (which is what God designed her to do). This will help her connect to the voice inside.

In the same way that our intuition helps us avoid harm or “have a feeling” that someone is in need, too often on the other side something negative happens when that voice inside is ignored. So when your girl decides to go with her gut and the outcome is positive, it will have an immensely powerful effect on her confidence.

Learning to respond to her own intuitive messages is key. Deciphering what her gut is telling her is the real skill. So often our gut is saying something to us that we don’t necessarily want to hear.

Help your girl identify when a reaction is a “gut” reaction. She needs to learn to be present to what her body is telling her. Being nervous or excited and describing it as “butterflies in the stomach” is a good way to introduce this to her. In the same breath though, “butterflies in the stomach” are not the same as having a “knot in the stomach”. Both are feelings experienced in the gut, but they represent totally different feelings.

What you’re going to do is train her to listen to her body and decide whether or not she can trust what it is telling her.

A lot of the time, our gut is activated by emotions that are considered by some to be negative. We get a feeling that makes us nervous, scared, confused or one that is surprising or disturbing. As she learns to pay attention to her intuition, it’s going to be good to talk through different scenarios with her.

Here are three quick and easy tips to encourage your daughter to deal with fear rather than allowing it to deal with her.

1. Ask questions.

The goal is to help her think for herself, understand what she is thinking and begin to trust what her body is telling her.

“What do you think about that?”

“How is that making you feel?”

“What do you notice about your body right now?”

2.  Value her input.

When she comes to you with an idea or thought about a particular issue or challenge, receive it with enthusiasm. Honor her for bringing something to your attention that she thought was important. Acknowledge her as someone who brings value.

3.  Model intuitive thinking out loud.

A great way to develop her intuition is to allow her to see it in action. When you encounter situations in your own life where you have to flex your intuitive muscle, talk about them with her in real time.

You can also share stories about times when you went “with your gut” and how it ended up working out favorably. She can learn a lot from these examples.

Have an awesome day!

If you’re looking for ways to dive deeper into teaching your daughter to develop her intuition and other essential leadership skills, I would HIGHLY suggest you check out our mentorship series, Nurturing Her Unique Voice. Email me at [email protected] for more information. These topics changed my approach to motherhood and mentoring my girl forever. Click here to learn more.