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As moms and mentors, we all want our girls to develop a strong sense of self. We want them to move gradually toward independence from us while they strengthen their dependence on God.

Today Arlene helps us understand how the current culture of selfies hinders that growth…and what we can do about it.

Her tips for combating the world’s obsession with self-promotion are exactly what you need to nurture your daughter’s self-worth.

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When I was growing up, the camera of choice was the Polaroid.

I took pictures of my gray and white cat Pokie. I took pictures of my friends, shaking the photo like a fan, waiting for the image to appear out of the black.

But never once did I attempt to point the camera at myself.

Considering the size of the Polaroid at that time, a selfie was virtually impossible.  You needed two hands to hold the camera and press the button.

How times have changed!  Kids and teens use phones with ease to take selfies – lots of them.  More than 90 percent of teens post photos of themselves online.

But all this self-absorption with taking photos comes with a risk.

This may sound ridiculous but did you know that more people die of selfies than shark attacks?

Yep. You read that right.

A recent New York Post article cited dozens of deaths related to tourists taking selfies compared to 8 shark-related deaths during the same time frame.

Now – I know what you’re thinking. The chances of your daughter dying while taking a selfie are slim to none.  But the chance of your child being negatively impacted by taking too many selfies is quite high, especially if you have a daughter.

So what’s the problem with selfies anyway?

On the downside, selfies can foster greater narcissism.

Instead of noticing others in a selfie world, your child can become too focused on getting the best shot, receiving the most likes, and touching up photos so they stand out.

A survey of 1,000 young adults showed that millennials spend 7 minutes per selfie.  That seems like a lot of time just to take and edit the “perfect” shot. That time could be much better used if your daughter would choose to play instead of fiddling with her photos.

Your girl can look for validation in these selfies.  Are her peers noticing the photos? Do they like them?

Some teens push the envelope in terms of safety or modesty in order to gain more attention.  Your girl may consider accepting a challenge like standing on a tall building or show too much skin in order to get that post-worthy selfie.

As our girls grow up into adults, we want them to become like the women in 1 Timothy 2.  Young women who adorn themselves “with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds” (v. 9-10).

We want our girls to be known for their faith and good works, not their killer selfies.

Yet as she points the lens to herself over and over, day after day, it reinforces the idea that she is the star of the show.

Challenge: Encourage your girl to cultivate humility, despite this constant landscape of selfies and self-promotion.

Action Step: As a parent, you must lead the way by example and by providing guidelines.  If your daughter sees you constantly taking selfies and touching them up before posting, do you think she may grow up to do the same?

Parenting is both hard and great because it often pushes us to change ourselves for the better to leave a good example to our kids.

When your daughter gets to the store, park, or vacation spot, and she is more interested in taking selfies than looking around, that will be your clue that it’s time to make some changes.

It might be time to say, “One selfie only” to capture the moment.  Then put away the phones and be in the moment.  You want your daughter to make memories and then snap a photo to remember.

You don’t want the whole memory to be about taking the perfect photo.

Help your girl avoid the extremes of the selfie-world such as the obsession with being camera ready, touching up for perfection, capturing dangerous activity, and over-sharing.  Talk with your her about selfies, asking questions like:

Are the selfies you take genuine, reflecting who you really want to be? 

How do you feel when no one likes your photo?  How much does that matter to you? 

Where does your value come from?  Is it from your social media accounts or something less fickle?  

Do you build happy friendships mostly phone-to-phone, or face-to-face?  

My 10-year-old daughter Lucy will occasionally grab my phone and take a selfie of herself.  I say occasionally because usually I stop her with “Put my phone down.”

I don’t want Lucy getting accustomed to taking selfies at a young age.  There’s so much more to record and notice all around.

After all, life is much happier and healthier when you put others in the center of the lens, and not yourself.

 Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of several books including Parents Rising, 31 Days to a Happy Husband and Calm, Cool, and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life.  Arlene has been a featured guest on the Today Show, Fox  & Friends, Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, The 700 Club, and Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah.  Arlene hosts The Happy Home podcast and writes regularly for Proverbs 31 Ministries and Girlfriends in God.  Arlene earned her BA from Biola University and her Masters in Journalism from Regent University.  Arlene lives in San Diego with her husband James and their three children Ethan, Noelle, and Lucy.  To learn more, visit www.ArlenePellicane.com

If you’re looking for more ways to encourage your daughter to develop habits that will positively shape the way she interacts with the world (both digital and physical) as she grows, don’t miss Arlene’s free video series, Screen Time: 3 Reasons Why Your Daughter Can’t Stop. Click here to watch.

I’m curious…

Where do you immediately turn when you need help?

In this digital age, many of us grab our phone or computer.  We quickly Google a question to find out the answer.

My baby has a fever.  Google will tell me what to do.

My daughter is getting bullied.  Google will offer me advice from child development experts. 

I need something gluten free to make for dinner.  Google will give me delicious recipes to choose from.

I’ve done this so many times, and I know I’m not alone.

The truth is that, while technology can be a blessing, it can also be a curse. The curse comes when we turn to Google before we turn to God.

We need God, not Google, first.

Consider this verse from Psalm 121:1-2, “I lift up my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Today’s mom, if she were being honest, might find the following statement more of a reality:

“I turn my eyes down to my phone – where does my help come from?  My help comes from Google, the holder of all information.”  

In this screen-driven world, we can get our wires crossed.  The answers to your family’s problems aren’t found on homepages or search engines.  The answers you need are found in the ancient pages of God’s Word and by speaking to the source of wisdom Himself.

James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

In other words, when your toddler is screaming or your teenager is rebelling, ask God for wisdom first.  Have a conversation with your Heavenly Father and He will give you wisdom for your life and leadership at home.

Challenge: When you need help understanding your life, when you need patience for your girl when she gets under your skin, it’s time to pray.  Don’t turn to the advice column or psychologist first.

Action Step: Instead, ask God for a dose of wisdom.

Scripture tells us again and again that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. That fear doesn’t mean you’re scared to talk to God as if He were waiting with a lightning bolt to zap you.  The fear of the Lord is a deep awe and respect for His name.

You recognize that He is God, and you are not (and neither is the phone in your pocket).

Our phones are becoming increasingly important.  A global study by Cisco Systems suggests that nine of ten people under the age of thirty suffer from “nomophobia” which is the fear of being disconnected from our gadgets. We rely on the data on our phones to make decisions from where we should eat to where we should send our kids to school. I’m not saying it’s wrong to Google information. I’m just saying we must be careful to depend on God first, not technology.

What’s true of us becomes true of our daughters.

If we struggle with nomophobia (the fear of being without our phone), guess what?  Our girls will probably struggle with it too.

As information is instant and tailor-made for exactly what we want, there is less that’s unknown.  We check the weather, traffic, and school updates at our fingertips. We have more confidence and more control – and less need for God.

Think about it.  Could you go a whole day without talking to God?  Probably. Could you go a whole day without your cell phone or Wi-Fi?  Ouch, that would hurt more wouldn’t it? We are ever dependent on our calorie trackers, social media posts, playlists, texts, and emails.

Instead of nurturing a dependency on the Divine, we’ve nurtured a dependency on data.  We talk to God once in a while at our convenience, but we need our phones and devices 24/7.

Living in a digital world as a mom can be frenetic, fast-paced, and overwhelming.  Being online constantly throughout the day is not calming.

Remember the words of the Psalmist:  I lift my eyes to the mountains.  You don’t have to wait until a vacation to experience the calming effect of being in nature.  You can talk a five-minute prayer walk around your home or simply look outside the window as you talk to the Creator of it all.  There’s a richness only silence and stillness offers but we seldom have the patience to wait on God in our Insta world.

Today our idols aren’t golden calves or wooden images.

But maybe they’re phones and tablets and laptops and flatscreens.

Of course technology should be used and can be used for good in your life as the mother and mentor of your girl.  But if you follow the culture’s growing dependence on technology, you won’t need God nearly as much as you need WiFi.

It’s time for us to go against the grain and make sure God comes first, way before Google.

If you’re looking to help your girl learn how to put God first in her life and honor Him through her use of technology, be sure to watch our free video series, Screen Time: 3 Reasons Why Your Daughter Can’t Stop. Click here for access. These topics changed my life and how I lead girls (including my own daughter) forever…

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I remember those first days of falling in love with my husband, James.

During one afternoon date, he looked at me intently and asked, “Do you know what I see when I look into your eyes?”

“What do you see when you look into my eyes?” I asked dreamily.

“I see the letters AV.  Your contact lenses say A-V.”

I went home floating on air that day.

At the first opportunity, I popped my contact lens out.  My contact really did have the letters AV stamped on it.  My beloved had looked into my eyes so deeply he could actually read the tiny brand on my contact lens.

Locking eyes is one of the ways we join hearts with one another, whether it’s with your spouse or with your daughter.

More than twenty years have passed since that AV contact lens date.  We didn’t own mobile phones or iPads back then.  We couldn’t text or send emojis.  We stared at each other for hours at a time. We talked to one another late into the night on landline phones.  We wrote letters almost every day when his job took him several states away.

We built our love note to note, voice to voice, and face to face.

All these years we’ve maintained that love, not by subscribing to each other’s YouTube channels.  Not by playing video games or scrolling through each other’s Facebook pages.

We’ve grown closer by a daily time of being together without screens.

This once common way of connecting is threatened by the popularity and ever presence of screens in our lives.

Research shows that pulling out a smartphone is a sure romance killer.  The smartphone is so often the fifth wheel in a relationship.

In findings published in the journal Psychology of Popular Media Culture…

…35% of respondents claimed that their partner pulls out the phone mid-conversation if a notification arrives.

25% said their partner actively texts people during the couple’s face to face conversation.

And 75% reported the phone is a problem in the relationship.

Our girls are also being affected by the uptick in device usage.

One study found that more than half of kids feel their parents check their devices too often, and one third say they feel unimportant when their parents are distracted by their smartphones.

These are troubling findings because none of us buy a smartphone to disconnect emotionally from our families.  On the contrary, we want a way to be more reachable to those we love.

An important question to ask is:

Does the way I use my phone communicate “I love you” to my family? To my girl?

Or does my phone use communicate to her “I am busy and preoccupied”?

Challenge: If you need some help disconnecting with your phone so you can connect with your girl, here are three simple habits you can begin to practice:

Enjoy screen-free meal times.  Meal time is a precious time to connect with your daughter, to swap stories and share life together.  But when there’s background noise from the TV or family members on the phone, meal time ceases to be a source of strength for your relationship.  Make the commitment to eat together without screens both at home and in restaurants.  Put your phones away on a shelf, in a box, in a purse, or stacked in the middle of the table.  Train her to wait for food without the amusement of a screen. If you need a phone because you have to pick someone up from practice, explain this to her and only answer the phone for this reason.

Charge your phone overnight in another room.  It’s easy to check your phone last thing at night and first thing in the morning when it’s on your nightstand.  But is that the most relaxing, rewarding way to begin and end a day?  Take away the temptation to text during the night or check email upon waking by charging your phone in another room.  Unless you are an emergency worker who needs to remain accessible, charge your phone overnight in another room.  Show your girl how to enjoy sleep without digital interruptions. Encourage each other to begin your day with prayer instead of the stress of texts and to-do lists.

Ask your girl for regular feedback.  Ask her, “Do you think I am on the phone too much?  Is there anything I can do differently with my technology that would make you happier?”  Fight the urge to be defensive if a few suggestions arise out of this conversation.  If your girl thinks you are spending too much time with a device, take it as a compliment.  It means she wishes she could spend more quality time with you. The more you are open to correction, the more open your girl will be too.

Maybe it’s your daughter who is spending way too much time on screens, constantly looking down at the phone.  Changes you make in your life can serve as a powerful and redemptive example to her.

If you find your phone is distracting you from tending to your most important relationships, there’s good news.  Getting back on track is as easy as looking your daughter in the eyes.

The more you lock eyes, the closer to one another you’ll get.  Who knows? You might even get close enough to read a pair of contact lenses.

 Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of several books including Parents Rising, 31 Days to a Happy Husband and Calm, Cool, and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life.  Arlene has been a featured guest on the Today Show, Fox  & Friends, Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, The 700 Club, and Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah.  Arlene hosts The Happy Home podcast and writes regularly for Proverbs 31 Ministries and Girlfriends in God.  Arlene earned her BA from Biola University and her Masters in Journalism from Regent University.  Arlene lives in San Diego with her husband James and their three children Ethan, Noelle, and Lucy.  To learn more, visit www.ArlenePellicane.com

If you’re looking for ways to foster a deep connection with your girl and help her build positive and healthy habits, be sure to join my FREE 5-Day Confidence Challenge. Click here to get started.

I’ve always wondered what my kids were missing out on by not being homeschooled. I watch dear friends who teach their children at home with great awe and a tinge of jealousy of the family dynamics and wonderful lessons they get to share with their kids day after day.

How might my kids be different . . . stronger if they were in my care every day? 

We are a family called to public school (at least until the Lord shows us otherwise) and although the COVID-19 pandemic has been a bit of an interruption to life as we knew it, I am thankful that my children have been home with me for the past several months (despite my lack when it comes to teaching them at home).

This is not how we thought my daughter would finish up her first year of middle school but it’s been a welcomed twist to our plans. Although she cruised through this major adolescent transition like a champ, I was beginning to feel the tension; of friendships and independence pulling her away from her home base.

These past few months I’ve had her all to myself, without the distraction of friends and activities and busyness. I’ve tried to lean in and listen; to give her space while inviting her into deeper relationship and important conversations. Although discipleship has been a challenge without the rhythm of church and youth group, we’ve enjoyed having church at home and the conversations that have come with it.

There’s no doubt about it, this pandemic has thrown us all for a loop. But as long as life keeps this slower, more intimate pace, we can use the time well to invest in our kids—our girls especially—before “normal” pulls them back into the world.

Whether we homeschool or not, this season has given us the gift of time with our girls. Even if it doesn’t feel quite like a gift in the midst of the craziness, it can become one with a whole lot of grace and a little intention. I invite you to join me in using this time to share these life lessons that lay a foundation of truth for our girls, no matter their age.

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Be You  |  God made you beautifully unique according to His purpose for you.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

For Younger Girls Say: God made YOU special and He loves you. There’s no one else just like you, and that’s exactly how God planned it. What are some of your favorite things about the way God made YOU?

For Older Girls Say: Confidence is a girl’s most beautiful quality and it comes from knowing who and whose you are. The earlier you start exploring who you are according to God’s design, the more you’ll understand your unique gifts and purpose. Spend your energy discovering your beautiful uniqueness instead of comparing yourself to others. Embrace every bit of yourself, both inside and out, and stay true to the YOU God made! How can I help you grow in confidence right now?

Grow, Grow, Grow  |  Growth is more important than perfection. 

Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. Colossians 1:10 (NLT)

For Younger Girls Say: God helps us to grow, a little bit every day. Just like the flowers and grass grow over time to make the world more beautiful, God wants YOU to grow too. You don’t have to do everything right the first time. Give yourself time to grow! What is something you want to grow to do better?

For Older Girls Say: You may never get straight A’s or get the lead in the play or score the most soccer goals. But as long as you are growing; learning and doing more than you did the day (or year or season) before, you’re winning. What are some ways you want to grow in this season?

Do Hard Things  |  Don’t be afraid to do the work, with God’s help.

In all the work you are doing, work the best you can. Work as if you were working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23 (ICB)

For Younger Girls Say: Remember, God helps us grow. That means when something we try is really hard, He will give us what we need to get better when we faithfully work for Him! What is something that you feel is too hard but you’d like to learn?

For Older Girls Say: The older you get, the more you’re likely going to have God-sized dreams. These dreams may seem way too big to accomplish. Even when something seems too hard or overwhelming, don’t give up. When God connects your heart to something . . . a sport, art, science . . . anything, He does it for a reason. So do whatever it takes to get better, one step at a time as God guides you. What big dream or goal do you have right now?

Look Up  |   Turn your focus to the One who is always there.

Let us look only to Jesus. He is the one who began our faith, and he makes our faith perfect. Hebrews 12:2 (ICB)

For Younger Girls Say: No matter where you are, God is with you. All you have to do is look up. Of course, you won’t be able to actually see God, but by looking up you take your focus off of things like toys and devices and put it onto Him. What prayer can you pray when you need to look up and remember God is with you?

For Older Girls Say: When life and friendships get hard, remember that God is always there, ready for you to look up and talk to Him. Make it a habit to look up and take your focus off of the many distractions that are always right in front of you. Write a prayer that you can say whenever you need to remember God is with you. Something like, “God, I need You right now. Speak to me as I look up and listen . . . “ What else can you say to God as you look up to Him?

Look Around  |  The world needs noticers. Pay attention.

Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others. Philippians 2:4 (ICB)

For Younger Girls Say: There will always be kids that need a friend. God wants us to pay attention and notice when others need our kindness and love. Always be looking for someone you can reach out to . . . in the classroom, on the playground, in the neighborhood, and at church. Can you think of someone who needs a friend right now?

For Older Girls Say: Always be on the lookout for those who need kindness and love. The more confident you become, the less time you’ll spend thinking about yourself and the more energy you’ll have to bless others. Try to never miss an opportunity to love on and cheer for those around you. Can you think of one or two people that need you to notice them right now?

Lean In  |  Find Your People

For Younger Girls Say: You never know when one of the new friends you noticed and invited to play will become a special friend. Of course you can’t always play with everyone. Although you should be kind to and include others, there may be a few friends that feel special because you like the same things and play well together. It’s okay to have a few special friends as long as you don’t leave others out. Who do you feel are your special friends right now?

For Older Girls Say: There will be many opportunities to meet new people in your life. Though you should always be kind and inviting by noticing others, you don’t have to (and you simply can’t) build deep relationships with everyone. The friends you can be yourself around (without fear or hesitation) are YOUR people. Invest in these relationships. With the right care, they can last a lifetime. Which of your friends do you feel most comfortable with? 

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Want to teach your girls life-changing truth through stories that share the wow and wonder of God? Minno is a safe, streaming video on demand platform where kids meet God in stories they love and parents find expert help and everyday encouragement for their journey. Sign up for your free trial and check out these shows (plus many more!) we know your girls will love:

For the Family

5 Minute Family Devotions

What’s In The Bible?

For Age 3-6

Owlegories

Gigi, God’s Little Princess

VeggieTales

Treasure Champs

Little Worship Company

For Age 6+

Superbook

Bibleman

Micah’s Super Vlog

Seeds Family Worship

Theo

Jess Wolstenholm is the Editorial Director for Minno and the Minno Laugh and Grow Bible for Kids. An author and experienced writer, Jess has contributed articles, essays, and resources for kids and families to the Huffington Post, Motherly, Scary Mommy, Tommy Nelson, FaithGateway, What To Expect, and more. When she isn’t writing, you can find her reading coming of age middle-grade novels (her favorite!) or leading kids ministry at her local church. A wife and mother of two—12 and 9—she lives outside Nashville, Tennessee.

“Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.”

Maya Angelou

For a long time, I knew I was the person who needed to instill confidence in my daughter, but I felt like I kind of got lost along the way. I’m her mom, but amidst a hectic work schedule, my to do list, and being pulled in what felt like a thousand different directions, I had little time or a clear idea for how I was going to support her to tackle life’s opportunities and challenges with grace and grit.

Faith. Family. School. Friendships. Social interactions. Managing emotions. Healthy habits.

I’d look at all these areas of her life, knowing it was my job to help her, but I just didn’t know where to start…

…it just felt like this huge mountain I wasn’t prepared to climb.

I finally hit my breaking point. Worry and stressing over it forced me to stop everything and start changing our family culture.

Everything shifted when I learned that the best way to increase her confidence is to reset the tone, the environment, inside our home.

I had to make home a safe space for my girl to feel deep emotions.

And it has made all the difference.

Look, I get it. You want your home to be a place where the chores get done, and one that supports her learning, but before anything else it has got to be a place of contentment where everyone works to build each other up.

Your girl’s confidence will increase in every area of her life — when you OWN your ability to set the atmosphere inside your home to one of peace.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or you’ve noticed that your daughter is in need of more confidence in certain areas of her life but don’t quite know where to start, this five day challenge is the jumpstart you need (and the one I wish I had before I got so far along).

Here’s what you’ll get from me: 

Personal + practical emails from me for five days
Each email provides clear instructions and easy-to-follow action steps for that day
3 daily challenges: one for you, one for your daughter, and one for you both to do together
The beginning of a healthier, stronger, better bond between you and your girl

This is your answer to, “Where do I start?”

Do yourself a favor. Don’t put it off.

Fill out the form and get started!

Dear Mamas,

In light of recent school closures, we’ve got more free resources for you!

We’re gifting our entire Bible Belles Heard devotional series for FREE for parents who are dealing with a reality of their kids being at home for the next several weeks, months…maybe longer?

No one knows, but we do hold tight to the truth. We can have hope, joy, and peace during this time and we can use these next several days as an opportunity to strengthen the faith and pour into the lives of the girls we love so much.

These devotionals will help you do just that.

Each devotional contains 7 days of activities, verses, craft ideas, prayers, discussion guides, and more to help you connect with your daughter or the girl you lead and to encourage her to cancel worry, fear, and anxiety and instead live with HOPE.

Guide her through conversations about:

✔️ Her God-given Identity
✔️ God’s Love for His Creation
✔️ Inner Beauty vs. Outer Beauty
✔️ Her Life’s Purpose

Download your free devotionals HERE.

Rooney likes to play hide and seek, but she loves to pretend she’s invisible.

It’s fun to make believe I can’t see her for a few minutes, but I always find myself being quick to remind her that, no matter how hard she tries to make herself disappear, I can still see her.

I felt challenged by that because, moms, so often we can feel insignificant and unseen. So today here’s a simple reminder for you. God sees you.

Carrying that little body on your hip and all the responsibilities and pressures on your mind.

He sees you.

Getting work done and still managing to find time to sit them on your lap and read a book.

He sees you.

Staying up late to pack lunches and up early to make breakfast.

He sees you.

Pouring into your children and fighting the enemy on their behalf.

And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

He sees you in all your motherhood. Don’t give up. The harvest is coming.

Have an awesome day!

If this post struck a chord with you, I want you to know I have a solution to help and own your influence. If you’re looking for practical tools and strategies to thrive and not just survive this whole motherhood thing, be sure to check out our mentorship program. These topics changed my approach to motherhood, marriage, business, and life forever. Click here for more information.

“Clothes make a statement, but costumes…tell a story.” -Mason Cooley

A while back, Rooney told me that for Halloween she wanted to be a purple ghost, a ballerina, and Darth Vadar. Not a purple ghost OR a ballerina OR Darth Vadar.

She told me she wanted to be all three at the same time.

I remember thinking, Where would I even begin to piece that wardrobe debacle together?

Regardless of your girl’s stage or season, dressing up this fall can be a touchy subject, am I right?

Do we celebrate? 

What’s okay for my girl to wear? 

What’s not okay, and how do we decide? 

Is it okay to be scary, and what constitutes “over the top”? 

Every mama has her method for coaxing little bodies into costumes or just letting go (Frozen, anyone?) and allowing kids to choose their own outfits with little to no guidance or input.

Challenge: This season, instead of fussing over what your girl will wear when the ghosts and ghouls (and Elsas and Captain Americas) come out to play, brainstorm an intentional costume with your girl that won’t make you feel like you had to give up the good fight.

Action Step: Talk together about how her costume choices can reflect her intentionality and integrity.

Help her choose a costume that celebrates a positive character trait or points her toward a hero: a woman of strength who wasn’t afraid to stand up and do something important, something needed, or something that needed to be done. Or maybe she was afraid and she did it anyway.

What if instead of Elsa, your daughter dressed up like Eleanor Roosevelt, Zora Neal Hurston, Ida B. Wells, Amelia Earhart, or Joan of Arc? What if instead of a pretty princess, she dressed up like a courageous warrior? What if instead of choosing to emulate a cartoon character, she chose to emulate a defender, a protector, a vanquisher of evil?

I’ve got chills just thinking about it.

Activity: Choose an Intentional Costume In 3 Easy Steps

1. Pick a character trait

Trying to brainstorm a costume with so many options can be overwhelming, especially if you have more than one small human to think about. Narrow it down by choosing a trait or virtue. Some ideas: kindness, strength, generosity, compassion, ahem…bravery.

Spend some time brainstorming with your girl about someone that she thinks possesses that quality. If she can’t name someone that fits the theme, this is a perfect opportunity to introduce her to a few of your real-life heroes. Win-win, right?

2. Pick an event

Maybe choosing costumes based on a trait proved to be a little bit more work than you’d hoped. Not to worry.

Try choosing an event instead. You and your family can dress up as the Israelites leaving Egypt, the first astronaut team launched into space, or even those who marched with Dr. King on Washington. A significant event can help her pinpoint a moment in history that’s important for reasons that matter.

3. Pick a cause

Still having trouble thinking of something clever? Maybe you’ve been totally captivated by a cause or a problem in the world and you and your girl want to bring attention to it.

Well, this is the perfect opportunity!

Choose someone or something relevant to the work being done to solve that problem. When people ask your daughter who she is, she has a chance to explain (Ex. Liz Bohannon is a journalist turned shoe maker who started an international fashion brand that provides employment, educational opportunities and entrepreneurial training to hundreds of women in East Africa and across the globe).

You’re ready, Mama. Go!

This is another opportunity to talk to your girl about what really matters, to talk through the values that you think are most important, and to get her excited about dressing up with intentionality and ingenuity.

Have fun this fall swimming together against the current of culture…Oh my gosh, you should totally dress up as fish!

Have an awesome day!

If this post struck a chord with you, I want you to know I have a solution to help you grow deeper in your relationship with your daughter and improve her character and confidence. If you’re looking for practical tools and strategies to support her, be sure to check out my free video series, 3 Keys To Unlocking Her True Potential. Click here to watch. These topics changed my approach to motherhood, marriage, business, and life forever…

Over the last few months I’ve received countless messages from you about your girls and what to do about a variety of challenges and difficulties you’re facing…

…and no question more often than what to do about your girl and her use of technology.

And I want to tell you something right now.

Your girl + devices like iPads and smartphones does NOT have to = chaos, confusion, anxiety or fear. 

I hear you, and help is on the way.

Today we’re kicking off 4 weeks of tech talk with my dear friend, Arlene Pellicane. I’m giving her the TBH reins for the next few weeks to speak into this topic and to give you the encouragement and support you need to lead your girl in this area.

Take it away, Arlene!

*     *     *

What does it mean to be still?

Being still means to abstain from motion, to utter no sound, to be subdued, muted, calm, tranquil, and quiet.  It’s being free from noise or turbulence.

Doesn’t that sound nice…but a bit foreign or outdated in our noisy, busy world?

Yet when we are still and at rest with God, we can hear His voice through the Bible or the prompting of the Holy Spirit.  But much of our time is not really spent in stillness. It’s awfully hard to be still while scrolling through messages, watching TV in the background, and googling a recipe for tonight’s dinner.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a stay home mom or an ad executive.  The temptation to constantly use screens is all around us. Smartphones and tablets are portable, right by your side throughout the day.

The screen world is enticing because it promises something new with every interaction.

Beep.  Someone messaged you.

Of course, you immediately check your phone because you want to know if it’s urgent or important.  Usually it’s neither, but you have been trained to respond at a moment’s notice.

If we are not careful, this rush of responding to blinking lights and buzzing gadgets can be addicting.

Are we listening to the voices coming out of our smartphones and computers more than we are listening to God’s voice?

Have we traded stillness and silence for the constant hum of online living?

Psalm 46:10 (NIV) says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

If you are living with anxiety, stress or fear, perhaps it is time to still your screens.

Unplug the modem.

Limit your time on social media.

Turn the television off.

Instead, be still before the God who calms the storm so its waves are still (Psalm 107:29).  Only He can calm the turbulence in your heart.

This isn’t just true for you.  It’s true for your daughter.  

Screens often distract us from putting our focus where it should be.  Think about the environment of your home. Is it a place where you or your girl can be quiet before God to think about His goodness?  Or is each room permeated by pixels, chimes, and ringtones?

Maybe it’s time to still your screens.

And in those pockets of quiet, your girl will make space for God to reveal Himself to her.  She will make space to join the chorus of praise described in Revelation 15:3.

They sing the song of Moses, the servant of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying: Great and marvelous are Your works, Lord God Almighty!  Just and true are Your ways, O King of the saints!

When she is still, she will realize anew that He is God.  Make it your aim to model for her how to be still in an overly wired, 24/7, always-on world.  Tune out from technology on a regular basis to tune in to His still, small voice.

Your daughter no doubt will notice and learn from your example.

 Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of several books including Parents Rising, 31 Days to a Happy Husband and Calm, Cool, and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life.  Arlene has been a featured guest on the Today Show, Fox  & Friends, Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, The 700 Club, and Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah.  Arlene hosts The Happy Home podcast and writes regularly for Proverbs 31 Ministries and Girlfriends in God.  Arlene earned her BA from Biola University and her Masters in Journalism from Regent University.  Arlene lives in San Diego with her husband James and their three children Ethan, Noelle, and Lucy.  To learn more, visit www.ArlenePellicane.com

If you’re looking to connect with your girl and develop her skills in life and leadership,  integrity, character, and confidence in your girl, be sure to check out Arlene’s free video series, Screen Time: 3 Reasons Why Your Daughter Can’t Stop. Email me at [email protected] to be added to the VIP list. These topics changed my life and how I lead girls (including my own daughter) forever…